Walk don't run. Please.

Countless times you heard it in the Junior High hallway. Walk! Don't Run! So now, as I look out my home office window and see neighbor after neighbor running by...I think, what is wrong with you people? It's a beautiful day, blue sky, sunshine, what are you running for? Slow down, take some time to enjoy the scenery.

Now I have friends who run. I have no idea why. I ask them and they basically tell me they have no idea why. They enjoy it. Sure. They enjoy gasping for one last breath and wondering if their knees can take another 3 feet? Personally, for exercise I use an elliptical. Low impact, tucked away in a room where no one sees me. Those outfits you where when you run? I'm sorry, just not attractive. Well, with a few exceptions. The local firefighters like to run a few miles everyday. Truthfully, anything looks good on them.

But then I think, if I had to choose between the cyclists and the runners, who would it be? Tough one. There's one neighbor. I'm guessing he's in his 70's, who likes to ride his bicycle wearing boxers. And nothing else. There really needs to be a law about that. Then there's those who feel it necessary to bring baby on board. Now, I realize you need your daily run. I don't have the foggiest notion why, but you do. I accept that. But have you ever thought about what that must feel like for the baby? Those "joggers" you push along. 1" wheels and no cushioning, over potholes and dips? Babump, Babump, Babump. Baby screaming like a banshee but you don't hear it over your iPod? Or worse, the bicycle hauling the baby behind in a weird tent like 3-wheeled circus cart? I have nightmares that it becomes detached and the baby gets left behind in the middle of main street.

Of course none of this compares to the new "store-front" gyms. Please. You pull up to the deli with plans to get a footlong Pastrami sub, and are subject to some really fine specimens working it out right there for all to see in the 24 hour get-fit-quick center. I use the term really fine specimens loosely.

There is no better appetite suppressant than a middle age somewhat flabby under-dressed individual spread eagle on the floor doing crunches. Which is why, for everyone's benefit, I do my exercising at home. And on a beautiful day like today, I cover up and take a nice, leisurely walk.

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