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So I have finally decided what my parting gift will be when my daughter heads back to school after break. It will be a lovely, hand printed note.

Dear Ms. Miller:

To express our appreciation for having you stay with us here at Chez Miller, we are extending our full VIP discount. The following represents a true vacation value, we're sure you'll agree. So in lieu of the traditional "Thank You, Mom and Dad" which we understand is so difficult for you to part with, we'll accept the following monetary gratuity instead:

7 Nights Deluxe accommodations @ $159 per night
Airport Transportation @ $129 round trip (x2)
Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner, plus all you can eat snack privileges: $400
Daily Resort fee including Pool and Spa @ $10 per day: $60
Roundtrip airfare $400

Total Due: $2231

We hope you'll find this type of arrangement more palatable in the future than the obviously outdated tradition of good manners.

We look forward to your next, hopefully lucrative, stay with us.

Much Love,

Mom and Dad

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