Tiger, please, don't play.

So I like to browse the online news sites. So here's a tidbit I really enjoyed.
Puerto Rico military to help crime
Really? I thought they might want to help FIGHT crime. REDUCE crime. But help it?

OK, down to today's news. Tiger Woods is reportedly going to reappear on the scene at the Accenture Match Play. So while nobody is asking anyone's advice or opinions, it's certainly his decision, I'll offer up mine anyway.

Tiger, please, don't do it. Because really, in all honesty, we don't want you here. And not because you are a philandering, adulterating, miscreant either. It's because our nice quiet neighborhood will become LaLa Land. Paparazzi from near and far will descend on our peaceful place. Our grocery store parking lot will turn into a circus. The traffic will come to a standstill on our main roadway. It'll take an hour to get to our favorite restaurant instead of just a few minutes. All so you can find a nice peaceful place to make your carefully staged, incredibly far-fetched, 2 minute PR remorse speech. 
I know it's all speculation at this point. Rumors and innuendo. But just in case, it's important enough to state our position. The Ritz Carlton at Dove Mountain is brand new. Just opened their doors. And we really wish them the best. They are good for our community, and our economy. I don't golf, but hear that's pretty spectacular there too. But it's not as exclusive, or as secluded, as people think it is. There is however only one way to get there, and it's the same roadway we use to get to our house.  And we're not really the sharing type. Unless you're El Tour de Tucson. We do allow them to take over our roads for a day.

Now when you live in a city dependent upon tourism, you take the good with the bad, and that I accept. It's the price we pay to enjoy a balmy spring day while you're all getting a pretty good dose of winter back east. But just this once, give us a break. Come back next year when the media are here for Golf, not Gossip. When you can say the word fidelity without all your fingers crossed behind your back.  When there isn't a pack of bloodhounds on your trail. Maybe then we'll share the road.

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