Groupon? Groupoff!

Does anyone else want to have a group rebellion against Groupon? I really don't know when it started. Daily offers for facials and hair removal and lava rock massages along with Yoga and weight loss plans. Sure they looked good on the surface, if not rather insulting at the same time. I thought, why are they peppering me with fabulous offers for beauty enhancement services? What are they trying to tell me?


Don't they know that I'm a 50 year old with all the bags and wrinkles and war wounds of motherhood?Seems they don't. But they'd like to.


In fact they want me to give them pages and pages of personal info so they can tailor the offers to suit me even better. Anyone who buys into this needs their head examined. THINK PEOPLE. Is giving away every personal detail of your life to a MARKETING COMPANY worth that extra 15 minutes under the tanning spray? 


Years ago, marketing companies would send surveys out with a dollar for your time. Or, better yet, great offers on magazine subscriptions or entertainment books at a fabulous price. All you had to do was tell them what they wanted to know. Male or Female? Age? Sex? (do you or don't you) Kids? If no, do you want kids? pets? ages? gender? names? what dog food do you buy? Brown eggs or White? the list was endless. And eventually, we all got wise and realized they were snooping on us and then jamming our mailboxes with crap. So we stopped falling for it.


And now, many years later, {drum roll please}, Introducing Groupon! They don't send things in the mail. Oooooh no. They use email. Or actually it starts on Facebook. Or Twitter. A fabulous offer could be yours. Just click here. One little tiny click.


And then every day you will receive an amazing offer. One you just can't resist. But wait. You don't like the offers. They aren't working for you. They are good, yes, you admit that. You just can't use them.
Well hold the phone people, just click here and answer a few questions and no more crappy useless offers. 


With just a few simple answers they will provide you with coupons tailored made for you and your lifestyle. Only the shops you like. Only the foods you eat. And only the spas that handle beautiful people like yourself. And remember, they will never share your information. Never. You can trust them. Uh huh. And I've got some oceanfront property in Arkansas you can get for $1 a square foot. With your coupon from Groupon of course!


In exchange for the 3 pairs of spandex leggings for the price of one, you give them your life. You tell them everything they need to know to place you in their virtual rolodex under the heading Gotcha! 


Next offer you get, take my advice and scroll to the bottom and hit the unsubscribe link. Or one day you'll get that Groupon Coupon for Miralax and wonder how the hell they knew you were scheduled for a colonoscopy.

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