Just to piss myself off
So the other day, I read an online article at Newsweek, and some pissed off reader comments by saying that Newsweek is a liberal left wing magazine. Duh. So, obviously this individual is not a liberal left winger. So then why is he reading Newsweek? Basically to piss himself off apparently.
It's like me sitting down every night to watch Bill O'Reilly, just to piss myself off. I could do that, and then I would be super-informed about his antics and be able to quote him incessantly. Or, I could watch the recap on MSNBC, which would be obviously skewed and spun like a cat in the dryer.
I remember my Dad watching some pundit on TV and yelling at the screen. Then he turns to me and says "They're all a bunch of idiots!" And I'd think to myself, why does he watch this crap? It just pisses him off.
How many times a day to you say "It just pisses me off!" followed by "Why do I keep doing this?"
My mom calls me up and begins by saying "I don't know why I do this to myself!" and I know there's one of those stories coming on. Like she took her favorite shortcut even though it was just about the time school lets out and she knows there are 15 school zones on that road and it took her an hour to go a mile.
We go furniture shopping at the one place we absolutely hate to shop at. Where there's a school of Sharks waiting to descend the minute you walk in. I don't blame the Sharks, they only get paid for stuff they sell. But it's always the same. We walk out every time muttering "Never goin' there again!"
My husband buys this bonus power up thingamabob on his video game with his virtual money and still doesn't score high enough. "God that pisses me off!" he says. "Damn thing never works for me." And yet he keeps buying them.
Our grocer has a self ordering machine at the Deli counter. Pretty cool, scan your VIP card, touch the screen and order what you need. Do your shopping and come back and it's ready! Fabulous concept. Except the damn scanner never works. Now there's another machine as you walk in the store, so you can use that one too. But nooooo. I insist on going all the way to the one at the deli, so I can see the actual foods I'm ordering. Knowing the scanner isn't going to work, I still bypass the first one. So there I am, at the deli, trying to scan that damn card. Then I have to wait in line to ask the lady to help me scan my card so I can self order. By the time she comes around from behind the counter, and discovers that, as I suggested, the scanner doesn't work, I'm pretty pissed. Then of course she says you don't really have to scan the card, it won't affect the price. EXCUSE ME?????? you tell me this now? After 25 minutes? Of course, I could have just given her my order, done my shopping, and come back. Too easy.
My favorite piss yourself off situation. You buy something, anything, and it requires assembly. It has parts. It has instructions. Instructions that clearly tell you to check the contents and make sure all of the parts are included. But you're smarter than they are. I mean obviously the bags of doohickies and whatchamacallits are in there, cause it says so on the box. I mean who needs instructions on putting a table together. It's a table for God's sake. 4 legs and a top. How hard can it be.
Nuf said. You've all done it. I know you have. And when you're finished and you've leaned the table nicely against the wall on it's 3 legs, that bag of extra parts in hand, you look over at the instructions and think, I bet they're in Korean anyway.
It's like me sitting down every night to watch Bill O'Reilly, just to piss myself off. I could do that, and then I would be super-informed about his antics and be able to quote him incessantly. Or, I could watch the recap on MSNBC, which would be obviously skewed and spun like a cat in the dryer.
I remember my Dad watching some pundit on TV and yelling at the screen. Then he turns to me and says "They're all a bunch of idiots!" And I'd think to myself, why does he watch this crap? It just pisses him off.
How many times a day to you say "It just pisses me off!" followed by "Why do I keep doing this?"
My mom calls me up and begins by saying "I don't know why I do this to myself!" and I know there's one of those stories coming on. Like she took her favorite shortcut even though it was just about the time school lets out and she knows there are 15 school zones on that road and it took her an hour to go a mile.
We go furniture shopping at the one place we absolutely hate to shop at. Where there's a school of Sharks waiting to descend the minute you walk in. I don't blame the Sharks, they only get paid for stuff they sell. But it's always the same. We walk out every time muttering "Never goin' there again!"
My husband buys this bonus power up thingamabob on his video game with his virtual money and still doesn't score high enough. "God that pisses me off!" he says. "Damn thing never works for me." And yet he keeps buying them.
Our grocer has a self ordering machine at the Deli counter. Pretty cool, scan your VIP card, touch the screen and order what you need. Do your shopping and come back and it's ready! Fabulous concept. Except the damn scanner never works. Now there's another machine as you walk in the store, so you can use that one too. But nooooo. I insist on going all the way to the one at the deli, so I can see the actual foods I'm ordering. Knowing the scanner isn't going to work, I still bypass the first one. So there I am, at the deli, trying to scan that damn card. Then I have to wait in line to ask the lady to help me scan my card so I can self order. By the time she comes around from behind the counter, and discovers that, as I suggested, the scanner doesn't work, I'm pretty pissed. Then of course she says you don't really have to scan the card, it won't affect the price. EXCUSE ME?????? you tell me this now? After 25 minutes? Of course, I could have just given her my order, done my shopping, and come back. Too easy.
My favorite piss yourself off situation. You buy something, anything, and it requires assembly. It has parts. It has instructions. Instructions that clearly tell you to check the contents and make sure all of the parts are included. But you're smarter than they are. I mean obviously the bags of doohickies and whatchamacallits are in there, cause it says so on the box. I mean who needs instructions on putting a table together. It's a table for God's sake. 4 legs and a top. How hard can it be.
Nuf said. You've all done it. I know you have. And when you're finished and you've leaned the table nicely against the wall on it's 3 legs, that bag of extra parts in hand, you look over at the instructions and think, I bet they're in Korean anyway.
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