Things you shouldn't say, or do, or be, after 50

Look. Noone wants to be middle aged, old, graying, flabbing, wrinkling or even remotely considered too old to understand. But there it is. Deal with it. And please, can you not use the following words on your Facebook status?

Dude.

Awesome.

Posse.

Homies.

Peeps.

Sweet.

The 411.

We tell our children to act their age not their shoe size. We tell our children sit up don't slouch. And we tell our children to speak clearly so we can understand them.

And then you log into facebook and are confronted with your dear friend Roland, using the moniker  "Rollin Wid it" and a photo with his face in the shadows, sideways baseball cap and a shirt with *$&^# on the front. Looking like such a badass. His status says "Hey peeps...ketch me on the cell...we'll do it up..." Roland dear Roland. High School Valedictorian, Summa Cum Laude, CEO of Fortune 500 company, father of 3 who doesn't let his kids friend him on facebook.

I once asked politely just what the hell he was doing. He said his teenagers were becoming just too much to handle so he thought he'd take himself back to that place. Put himself in their shoes and try to function in today's stressful social environment. Um...is anyone buying that?

Not me. He's doing precisely what 9 out of 10 facebookers do. Reinventing himself. It's not just mid-life crisis. My young nieces, nephews, cousins, children of friends are all doing it.

Thinking about it it's not different than when we hung out in ripped jeans and concert t-shirts at the wholesome suburban shopping center smoking and passing around a bottle of some foul tasting blackberry ooze, being exceptionally cool and immensely grown up. I see our mirror images today, hanging out at the strip mall, smoking, passing an eerily similar bottle around, and think WTF? They look ridiculous. Don't they know it? Nope. And we didn't either.

But we do know. So there just isn't any excuse for being a moron on Facebook. Unless you are simply seeking attention or reminding all your old friends what a tremendous idiot you were way back then too. If you need a trip down memory lane, or have a burning desire to get down with yo bad self... enjoy my frequently changing musical sampler of favorites.

I'm not trying to suck the fun out of your life, but personally I like facebook. I enjoy keeping up with my friends as their children grow up, do what we did, graduate, go on with their lives, have their own kids. I love when you share those old memories and film clips...in the days before MTV.

I just don't enjoy your bizarre form of regression therapy. Quite frankly it freaks me out.

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